IDIOT Sightings

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marie@bodensonline.com

EIGHTH PLACE:
>> >
>> > In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
>> >water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
>> >grate to retrieve his car keys.
>> >
>> >SEVENTH PLACE:
>> >
>> > A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who totally zoned when he
> ran,
>> >accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>> >
>> >SIXTH PLACE:
>> >
>> > Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
> dug
>> >into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
> Jones,
>> >21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
> sitting
>> >in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
>> >burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
>> >banks, used their hands and shoved sand, trying to claw their way to
> Jones,
>> >a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
>> >workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
>> >people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>> >

FIFTH PLACE:
>> >
>> > Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell face-first
>> >through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
> caused
>> >when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
>> >free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE:
>> >
>> > Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he
> won a
>> >bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
>> >bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>> >
>> > THIRD PLACE:
>> >
>> > The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington,
> DC
>> >appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
> previous
>> >record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
>> > 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
>> >handguns.
>> > 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
>> > 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
>> >patrol car parked at the front door.
>> > 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
>> >before work.
>> > Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and
>> >fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
>> >promptly returned fire - the police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the
> clerk
>> >with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several customers who also drew
> their
>> >guns, several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced
> dead
>> >at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47
> expended
>> >cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
>> >wounds.
>> >Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
>> >hurt in the exchange of fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:
>> >
>> > Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
>> >wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
> in
>> >their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
> dynamite
>> >and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>> >apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.  I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.  She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.  I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.  Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they can breed

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.  The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!  I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."  From Kingman , KS

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.  He was a Chef?  Yep... From Kansas City !   Note:  I don't think they call those people preparing fast food "Chef's". 

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi !

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"  To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"  He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."  Happened in Birmingham , Ala

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker; she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

The following dumb laws are, or were at some point, actually laws in the United States.

Alabama
In Jasper, it is illigal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illigal to play Dominos on Sunday.
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Alaska
In Fairbanks, it is illigal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

Arizona
In Tucson, it is illigal for women to wear pants.
In Globe, it is illigal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
In Glendale, it is illigal to drive a car in reverse.
In Nogales, it is illigal to wear suspenders.

Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
In Fayetteville, it is illigal to kill “any living creature”.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-Day jail term.

California
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
In Pacific Groove, “molesting” butterflies can result in a $500 fine.
It is illigal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
In San Francisco, it is illigal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Colorado
In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Connecticut
It is illegal to dispose used razor blades.
In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h. even when going to a fire.
In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Delaware
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

Florida
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown.
Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Georgia
While Georgia operates its own lottery, it “protects” its citizens by making it illegal to promote a private lottery.
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket on Sunday.

Hawaii
It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.
It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.

Idaho
You may not fish on a camel’s back.

Illinois
In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”.

Indiana
Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.

Iowa
State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.
In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.

Kansas
Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

Kentucky
It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.

Louisiana
In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
It is considered “simple assault” to bite someone in New Orleans; it is “aggravated assault” if the biter has false teeth.
It is against the law to gargle in public.
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

Maine
In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.

Maryland
In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.

Massachusetts
In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.
In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

Michigan
In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to “sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.”
A state law stipulates that a woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.
You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.
Under state law, dentists are officially classified as “mechanics.”

Minnesota
Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.
Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.
It’s illegal to tease skunks.

Mississippi
In Truro, a would-be groom must “prove himself manly” prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.

Missouri
It is illegal to have oral sex.
Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).

Montana
Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family”.
It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
It is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.

Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.

New Hampshire
You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.

New Jersey
Spray paint may not be sold without a posted sign warning juveliles of the penalty for creating graffiti.
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico
It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
Hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery.

New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Pennsylvania
A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

Texas
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

Wisconsin
You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.